By Claire Libby
The resilient self
Resilience is a word we hear a lot these days especially in the academic environment. Schools and universities specifically are now asking for help in building greater levels of resilience amongst their young talent. And those teaching the newer generations often state that there's a complete lack of resilience amongst the young people growing up in today’s fast-paced world. As a health coach, mum, and the creator of a mental health app for young people, I've thought deeply about what resilience is, how we go about fostering it in our children, and what it means in the long term.
My own resilience has been born out of necessity. Growing up as a child of an addict meant that I had to find a way to overcome all the challenges that faced me from a very young age. I now have an incredible ability to deal with a lot of things, which can sometimes be a blessing for my professional life, but from a personal perspective, it’s something I must keep a close eye on, to avoid burn out.
As a mum of two boys (21 and 17) I wanted to make sure they were never exposed to the kinds of challenges I faced growing up. I wanted the ideal home life for them and for years I worked hard to create that often swooping in to save the day and doing my best to keep them out of harm’s way. Until one day, I realized I wasn’t helping them I was hindering them. It dawned on me that I couldn’t rush into help them in the future when they ran into a challenging situation at work, so somehow between early teens and adulthood, they needed to build a greater sense of resilience.
I soon realized that there isn’t a one-time quick fix solution when it comes to developing resilience. A resilient person is a blend of a growth mindset, self-belief, and helpful healthy habits that need to be cultivated over time.
Resilience can be cultivated
This is where the principles of lifestyle medicine come into play. Lifestyle medicine is a term used in the medical profession to highlight the important part that lifestyle choices play in a person’s overall sense of wellbeing, and it is a principal that I base my own choices on and a principle that I share with the young people that I coach too. I realised many years ago through my own lifestyle choices, that there is no way you can be a resilient person if you aren’t having good quality sleep, if you don’t have a healthy way of dealing with stress, if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself and others and if you aren’t giving yourself all the nutrients that your body needs to thrive.
Creating light bulb moments
From my work supporting young people, I have so many examples of where they can’t see how their lifestyle choices significantly impact their feelings. A recent case involved a young person who felt extremely anxious and constantly on edge, to the extent that he needed to take a break from his studies. When we talked through his current feelings, how he wanted to feel in the future, and how he spent his time, we realized that he was spending a lot of time on social media in the evening. With a little encouragement, he agreed to reduce his social media activity and in a very short time he saw a huge improvement in his overall well- being. During our next conversation, l could see he’d had a light-bulb moment, and was able to see the link between how his social media scrolling was contributing to his anxiety, and poor sleep quality. He already felt so much better because of one small change to his evening routine.
How you can help young people build resilience
In my work with young people, I frequently observe a genuine fear related to trying new things or the possibility of making mistakes, which leads some young individuals to remain in their comfort zones during their early years. This is beneficial for building confidence and self-belief, but eventually, attempting new things and not succeeding initially helps them navigate the failure cycle. The more they engage in this, the more they understand they are gaining valuable insights about themselves and their capabilities. They learn that the world doesn't end if they don't excel at everything and that they can grow and thrive in various ways, with failure being just one of them. Recognizing challenges as opportunities to approach rather than avoid sets them on a path to developing a growth mindset. The more they cultivate a growth mindset, the more likely they are to experience new things and overcome new challenges.
The whole-person approach
Healthy habits play a vital role in helping any young person develop the resilient self. When these habits begin at home and are exemplified by role models such as parents, caregivers, or mentors, they can become an integral part of children's lives. Assisting young people in understanding the link between their well-being and self-care significantly contributes to their success in the future.
Movement, time away from distractions and noise, helpful coping strategies for dealing with stress, and meals that consist of whole foods, will really help young people feel emotionally balanced and more able to cope when things don’t go according to plan. Time spent with the self, checking in with how they feel, journalling, acknowledging all their emotions and choosing to do things that support them rather than disrupt, sets them on a path to developing a more resilient self. If you don’t spend time getting to know and understand yourself, how can you possibly know how to support yourself?
For me and the work I do, it’s not about getting ready it’s about being ready. We never know what life may throw at us and by helping the young people in your life build a higher level of resilience from a young age, you're helping them to move through the challenges they may face with more ease and grace.
About Claire
Claire Libby is a certified integrative nutrition health coach, with many years of experience in that role. She's devoted her life to enhancing mental wellbeing, especially among young people. Claire is the founder and creator of 'i am me', a Community Interest Company that supports positive mental health in children, adolescents, and young adults.
Via the free app, which supplies resources including tools, tips, and insights, 'i am me' enables young people to become active participants in their wellbeing journey.
She's also the Director at Linac Learning, a consultancy that specializes in learning and development from entry-level apprentices to board-level executives. Claire leads Early Careers Development programmes, supporting the transition of young adults from education into business. She helps ensure that people are set up to thrive and become part of a robust talent pipeline.
In 2021, Claire became a certified health coach at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in New York. Before that, she gained qualifications in understanding children’s mental health and Human Resource Management and holds a master’s in psychology.
To find out more about how to build resilience download the free i am me app from the app store or google play and type in the word “resilience’ to the article search section.
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